What You Want & The Words Left Unsaid
by Meimi no Kage
Summary: These are the first two stories in my old Kenkeru saga. They've been editted so that they may once again be available for public consumption here. [Shonen Ai, Kenkeru, Takeken, Completion Dates: ?.2001, 02.2001]
1. What You Want

**What You Want  
A 'Kenkeru' Digimon 02 Shonen Ai/Yaoi**

* * *

Standard disclaimers apply. 

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers for 02 (that's season 2 for the uninitiated) up to and including the episodes involving Chimeramon (yeah, that thing). 

SHONEN AI/YAOI WARNING: This was a yaoi fic that has been downgraded to shonen ai thanks to the, er, removal of the naughty bits. If you read it anywhere else, you will get the naughty parts. However, here at the pit of voles it has to be tamed down. Pity. 

DEDICATION: This is for Ajora, whose Ken obsession is damn addicting. 

* * *

It was a nice day, the sunshine glittered brilliantly through the glass windows as the teacher droned on and on. The students grumbled amongst themselves as quietly as possible, they wanted school to be over with as soon as possible so they could get out and enjoy the wonderful weather. 

Well, almost all of them. 

All through class Hikari kept shooting Takeru worried looks. Something wasn't right with him. She could tell, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe she should talk to him after school. 

Takeru was oblivious to her concern. His mind was on other, more distressing matters. He kept replaying the events of the past few days over and over and over again in his head trying to figure what it was he did wrong, or what he could have done right. 

The worst of it had started with Devimon and that fight with Ken. The things he had said... he'd even hit Ken, what was wrong with him? Sure he had been angry, but he'd never been a person who would hurt somebody else on purpose, had he? 

And what had happened afterwards. Oh god, it had been horrible. Even with all the things Ken had done, he hadn't deserved that, had he? 

NO! 

Takeru shook his head vehemently at the thought. No, nobody deserved that, not even the Digimon Kaiser. 

Which brought Takeru back to wondering about how Ken was doing. He had looked so lost when he walked away from all of them. He had gone home at least, Taichi had let them know about the news broadcast... but that didn't mean he was okay. How could someone be okay after all that had happened? 

Takeru frowned, maybe he should go check up on Ken, see how Ken was doing, and... apologize for the things he had said and done. Yeah, that would be the right thing to do. 

He had to do something. 

* * *

****

"Takeru! Wait up!" Hikari yelled as she ran to catch up to her rather distracted friend. School was finally out, but Takeru still seemed to be out of it. She frowned as he looked back her, something must be wrong. 

"Oh hi, Hikari. What's up?" Takeru smiled weakly hoping it wasn't something important. He really didn't feel like talking, he might lose his nerve on what he was going to do later. 

"That's what I was going to ask you. What's wrong?" Hikari looked up at him, waiting for his answer. 

"Oh, nothing really. Just been thinking about the past few days... nothing serious," Takeru smiled reassuringly. 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It has been pretty tough... must be even worse on Ken," Hikari looked down, not noticing when Takeru winced at those words. "I hope he's okay." 

Takeru touched her shoulder and smiled warmly, "I'm sure he will be." He continued on as Kari returned the smile with her own, "Listen, I gotta go, see ya tomorrow?" 

"Yeah," Hikari waved at him as he turned to run off. "Say hello to Patamon for me!" 

"Sure thing! See ya!" Takeru waved back at her, making himself hurry. He had to do this, for himself and for Ken. 

As he turned the corner, right on cue, Patamon flew out of one of the trees and into his arms. "Takeru!" 

"Hey buddy, how was your day?" Takeru smiled down and hugged his partner. There was nothing in the world like having Patamon to depend on. What would he possibly do if he didn't have the perky little digimon anymore? Takeru frowned as Patamon snuggled up against him, chattering on about how boring the day was without him around. What would Ken do? He wouldn't do something... drastic would he? 

"Takeru?" Patamon struggled out of his arms and flew up to hover right in front of his face. "You're not listening to me, is something wrong?" 

"I've just been thinking a lot," Takeru gazed mournfully into his best friend's brilliant blue eyes. "Do you think you could go home on your own today? I think I need to do something." 

"What? What is it?" Patamon blinked in confusion. "Can't I go with you?" 

"No, I don't think that would be a good idea," Takeru trailed off, this wasn't going to be easy to say. "You remember what happened in the fortress between me and Ken?" 

"Yeah," Patamon nodded slowly. "You were fighting." 

"Well, I said some really mean things and considering all that happened I think I need to apologize to him, and see how he's doing and all," Takeru trailed off. 

"Okay," Patamon blinked, it made sense. Takeru really wasn't the vindictive type. "But why can't I go with you?" 

"I don't think it would be a good idea," Takeru reached out drawing Patamon to him in a hug. "I mean, he doesn't have his digimon anymore, but I still have you. I think it might hurt him seeing you and me together." 

"Oh, yeah," Patamon nodded against Takeru's shoulder. "I guess." 

"So," Takeru gave the little digimon another squeeze before letting him go. "Think you can go home alone? Or maybe you could visit Yamato? I'll be home later, okay?" 

"Okay, but be careful." Patamon frowned worriedly before fluttering off. "I'll see you later!" 

"Yeah, see ya later," Takeru mumbled as he waved his partner off. Now all that was left to do was the hardest part of all, talking to Ken. 

* * *

****

It only took a few seconds for the doorbell to be answered after Takeru had rung it. The homely looking woman who blinked down at him in curiosity looked like any normal mother, save for the slight puffiness around her eyes. "Yes, can I help you?" 

"Uhm hi," Takeru faltered, how was he going to say this. "I'm... uh, a friend of Ken's, and I was wondering if I could... uh, talk to him... see how he's doing and all?" 

"Oh, a friend of Ken's?" Ken's mother's eyes widened in surprise. "He never mentioned having any friends, but he never really seemed to want to talk about anything else either," She trailed off. "But please, come inside I'm sure he'll appreciate the concern." She smiled cheerfully as she led him into the front hall. 

Takeru mechanically slid off his shoes and put the guest slippers on. He was here, he was inside, and he was about to see Ken. Please, just let me do this right, he thought. 

"Ken is uhm," Ken's mother spoke quietly as she led Takeru to her son's closed door. "He hasn't really come out much since he got back, and well, just... since you're a friend... try to get him to talk to you?" She looked down at Takeru hopefully as she added, "Please?" 

"Okay," Takeru watched as Ken's mother reached out and rapped her knuckles against the door. His thoughts were amazingly quiet but his stomach was knotted and queasy. How was he going to do this? 

"Ken honey, you have a guest." Ken's mother called out before turning the doorknob to her son's bedroom and pushing the strange boy into the darkened room. She was ready to do anything to get a response out of her son about what had happened to him... and why he had left. She just hoped this would work. 

Takeru winced as the door closed shut behind him. There was no way out now. He was alone... with Ken, in Ken's bedroom. He was going to do this. He had to do this. He scanned the room, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. All the lights were off, the window shedding off the only illumination and even that was dimmed by a drawn shade. There was a computer on the desk to his left, but it was eerily shut off. In front of him was a high bed, and laying on it with one arm slung carelessly over the side was his reason for being there. And by the way that Ken was glaring at him, he wasn't exactly welcome. 

"Uhm... hi?" Takeru started off carefully, shuffling his feet ever so slightly. 

"What do you want?" Ken spat venomously in return. 

Takeru winced once more, this was going to be harder than he'd thought. "I wanted to see how you were doing." 

"Oh really?" Ken purred menacingly before he snarled, "I don't need your pity. Leave!" He pointed forcefully towards the door then rolled over onto his side, turning his back to the unwelcome visitor that had come calling. 

"That's not it," Takeru gazed down at his feet, flexing his fingers in agitation. This wasn't going well at all. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said and for hitting you." 

"Why?" Ken rolled back over and off the side of the bed, landing on his feet with quiet, catlike grace. "What do you have to apologize to me for? You're one of the good guys and I'm the villain. You won. I lost. What else do you want?" 

"For you to believe me," Takeru glared back into Ken's glinting amethyst eyes. "I didn't mean what I said, I was just angry, that's all, and I'm sorry I hit you." 

"Why ever for?" Ken smirked and pointed to the scrape evident on the side of Takeru's face. "I hurt you after all. Why shouldn't you have returned the favor?" 

Takeru shook his head, "That's not the point. It was wrong. I shouldn't have done it." 

Ken gritted his teeth in fury and darted forward, slapping Takeru on the cheek. He grinned knowingly as he drew back, "And how about that? Was that wrong? I felt like doing it." 

Takeru rubbed his smarting cheek. This was going nowhere fast. "It's all right, it's not like I've done you any favors." 

Ken rolled his eyes heavenward, "Oh please spare me. I don't need or want your sympathy _or_ your pity. Just go." He pointed towards the door once more. 

"But... but..." Takeru stammered along helplessly. What could he possibly say to get through to Ken. "I just... I just wanted to help." 

"Is that so?" Ken struck out swiftly, sweeping Takeru off of his feet with a well placed kick. The carpet muffled his fall, but the impact was jarring enough to daze him. 

Takeru blinked, spots dancing before his eyes as he tried to figure out how things had led up to this. His breath caught in his throat as slender fingers wrapped around his neck and he found himself nose to nose with Ken. 

Eyes that seemed to have been carved out of purple ice bore into Takeru's as Ken stated plainly, "Let's get one thing straight Takaishi Takeru, I do not need _anyone's_ help nor would I want it. I do not care about your remorse over your previous actions nor will I accept any guilt-ladden apology for them from you. Understand?" 

Upon later introspection, Takeru wasn't quite sure why he did what he did next. Maybe it was because somewhere deep down inside of him, he knew that it would actually shatter Ken's barriers. Maybe it was just because the other boy seemed so lonely in that single instance. Or maybe it was just because he really did feel like it. Whatever he was thinking, the results were the same. Takeru tilted his head to the side and leaned upwards, pressing his lip gently against Ken's. 

Ken's eyes widened in shock at the touch. He jerked away after only a second's hesitation, scooting back across the carpet and putting several feet of distance between him and Takeru. He slowly reached up and touched his own lips with his fingertips, his eyes narrowing in confusion, "Why did you do that?" 

Takeru shrugged, unsure of what to do next. "I felt like doing it?" He asked, turning Ken's own words back on the boy. 

Ken chuckled cynically, "I see." He frowned once more in confusion as Takeru got up and walked over to him. "What is it you want?" 

"I don't know," Takeru smiled reassuringly. "But this is a start." He continued as he reached up and caressed Ken's cheek. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips lightly against Ken's again hoping for a different reaction this time. 

Ken took very little time in responding. After all, if this is what Takeru wanted, he was certainly going to enjoy himself. He leaned forward, moving his lips against the boy's, licking them with his tongue, teasing them into parting so that he could delve into the moist warmth within. He snaked a hand up, sliding it up under Takeru's shirt, running his fingers over the soft, smooth skin beneath. 

Takeru shivered at Ken's touch, promptly losing his balance and falling backwards across the floor. Ken undeterred, swiftly followed after him, searing his lips with a demanding passion and teasing his skin with soft feathery touches. 

It was some time before Ken drew away, desire burning in his eyes and a smirk twisting his lips up. "This is pleasant, but I'm forgetting something." He gracefully climbed to his feet and walked over to open the door. Casting a rather dazed and confused Takeru a knowing smile, he tossed a "Don't move." over his shoulder before walking out and closing the door behind him. 

"Ken honey?" 

Ken stopped halfway to bathroom and smiled pleasantly as he looked over at his mother in the living room. "Would you mind if Takeru joined us for dinner mother? We're... talking, and I'd like him to stay for awhile." 

Ken's mother beamed at the suggestion. Her little boy was finally talking to somebody. "Of course dear, I don't mind at all." She blinked as something occurred to her. "I should make a quick trip to the grocery then since we're going to have company." She clasped her hands together worriedly. "Will you be okay here alone? Your father won't be back from work for awhile yet." 

"Oh don't worry, mother," Ken smiled cheerfully at the news. "I'm sure we'll be just fine." 

"Well, okay dear," Ken's mother started gathering her things together for the trip. "I won't be long." 

Ken continued on to the bathroom as his mother mumbled distractedly to herself. This was just too perfect for words, even for him. He smirked at himself in the mirror of the medicine chest before opening the door and pulling out what he was searching for. _This_ was going to be fun. 

Meanwhile, Takeru was rubbing the palm of his hand against his forehead and trying to catch his breath. What the hell was he doing? He hadn't planned this at all. He had just wanted to apologize. So how did things lead up to him laying on the floor and waiting impatiently for Ken to come back so they could _continue_ what they were doing? This was nuts. He whipped his head around, his eyes widening as the doorknob began to turn. 

Ken walked back into his bedroom, closing the door shut behind him. He leaned against the cool surface of the door and smirked down at Takeru. His arms were crossed behind him as he turned the lock with an audible click. Ken was suddenly thankful that his father hadn't ended up breaking the lock altogether when his parents had barged into his room looking for him after he had left for the digital world. 

Looking askance, almost as if he were paying half attention to the door and half to the boy sprawled out on the floor, he smirked ever so slightly. "You've been invited to dinner. But mother had to go out to the grocery since we're having a guest over, and father won't be home for another hour or so. It's just you and me." Focusing his gaze back on Takeru, he continued. "Whatever will I do with you?" 

Takeru bolted upright, a rosy blush painting his cheeks crimson in the shadows. "Uhm," he mumbled as he scratched the back of his head. 

Ken's smirk widened at that as he tried his best not to laugh. This was just too amusing for words. "Oh, are we going to be shy now?" He purred, snickering to himself as Takeru's cheeks darkened even more. Hmm, this scene definitely needed some illumination. He walked over to his desk, keeping what he held behind his back and out of view. Smiling pleasantly he turned on his desk lamp. 

Takeru blinked rapidly as the sudden light blinded him. "What?" 

"I want to see what I'm doing." Ken grinned as Takeru froze, almost like a deer caught in the headlights. Oh, this _was_ going to be so much fun. 

* * *

It was some time later before Takeru realized that he was still lying on the floor of Ken's bedroom, naked, and a little bit more time to realize he was going to have to clean himself off. Ew! He scrunched his face up at that particular thought. 

Takeru rolled over and watched bemusedly as a rather sated Ken slowly ran supple fingers over his chest. The movement looked really good, really, _really_ good to Takeru. 

Mentally smacking his raging hormones back into some semblance of order, Takeru coughed. "Your mother will be back soon." 

"Mmm," Ken mumbled noncommittally as he continued along with what he was doing. 

Takeru frowned at him, "Does this mean-" 

"No!" Ken swiftly cut Takeru off. He laced his fingers together and simply laid there in the afterglow. 

"Oh," Takeru trailed off disappointedly. He watched Ken worriedly for several minutes before venturing out, "Would you like to talk about it?" 

Ken whipped his head around sharply and glared at Takeru, "No, I wouldn't." 

"Well, you don't have to," Takeru stated as he rolled over to stare up at the ceiling. He waited a moment for that to sink in before continuing, "I'll be here if you want to though. Okay?" 

Several minutes passed by in oppressive silence before Takeru heard a soft, "Thank you." He smiled at those words and closed his eyes. This was going to be interesting.


	2. The Words Left Unsaid

**The Words Left Unsaid  
A 'Taken' Digimon 02 Yaoi**

****

**

* * *

**

Standard disclaimers apply.

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers for 02 (that's season 2 for the uninitiated) up to and including the episodes involving the first appearance of the Crest of Kindness. 

SHONEN AI/YAOI WARNING: This was a yaoi fic that has been downgraded to shonen ai thanks to the, er, removal of the naughty bits. If you read it anywhere else, you will get the naughty parts. However, here at the pit of voles it has to be tamed down. Pity. 

Please read my fanfic 'What You Want' before reading this one. That way you'll know what's going on. 

Why Kenkeru?: Because I think it's cute, what with Takeru having this whole angel motif and Ken having a demon/fallen angel type motif. And yes, I'm stealing Ajora's line on describing the fascination with this particular pairing. 

Why Taken?: Because Ajora is really evil and suggested it for Valentine's Day 2001. 

* * *

Takeru hummed a nonsensical tune as he stood in front of the kitchen sink washing off his new set of teacups. His mother had dragged him out shopping the day before, and once he had laid eyes upon the delicate set he just couldn't say no. Their fragile beauty reminded him far too much of a certain someone. The set was carved of crystal, with shimmering rose petals rising up and joining together to make the cup. The handles were vine carvings that twirled down in a curve between a meeting of two of the petals. They were gorgeous and terribly expensive, which had made for a hard argument with his mother to buy them. But buy them he did, and tonight he planned to show them off for the first time to that certain someone they so reminded him of. 

Smiling to himself, Takeru finished drying off the last cup as the sound of the doorbell wafted into the kitchen. That would be Yamato here to pick up Patamon for the weekend. Things were still... a little bit tense, and as much as he loved the little digimon, having Patamon there with _him_ wouldn't be a very good idea. 

"Patamon! It's time to go," Takeru called out as he padded down the hallway to the front door. He chuckled as he heard the telltale flap of wings coming from the living room. Patamon would stay out of sight until they knew for certain who was at the door. 

Takeru fought down a smirk as he opened the door on a rather flustered looking Yamato. From the look of it, his brother had been with Taichi before heading over. Only Taichi could produce that hastily tucked in shirt and rumpled jacket look on his older brother. As much as Jun might have wanted Yamato as her boytoy, she was years too late to even have the most minuscule of chances. 

"Wow, you're actually on time," Takeru smirked as Yamato attempted to put on one of his cool acts. "What did you have to bribe Taichi with to get away?" 

"Nothing," Yamato grumped as he walked past his brother. Looking around curiously at the empty apartment, he asked, "Where's the Patamon?" He smirked as said digimon flew around the corner from the living room. "Oh, there he is!" 

"I'm right here," Patamon giggled as Yamato grabbed him out of the air and started tickling him. He struggled half-heartedly, not really wanting to get away. He was enjoying the extra attention far too much to want that. 

Takeru laughed at their roughhousing. He really did appreciate the fact that Yamato thought of Patamon as a friend and not just his little brother's partner. Takeru blanched slightly as Yamato looked over at him and curiously asked, "So where's mom?" 

"Um, well..." Takeru trailed off, looking anywhere but at his brother. How to put this so Yamato wouldn't rat him out and ruin everything? Lacing his fingers together nonchalantly, Takeru started off innocently, "She's off on an assignment doing some investigating. You know her journalism and all." 

"Uhuh," Yamato answered slowly as he turned around to look at Takeru fully, Patamon tucked under his left arm. Cocking his eyebrow, he asked suspiciously, "And she doesn't get back til when?" 

Takeru sighed silently in defeat, the only chance he had had was if Yamato didn't catch on. And since his brother obviously had caught on, it was better to get it over with quick. He was one of the world's worst liar and knew he didn't have a hope in hell of snowballing his brother. "Not until late Sunday night." 

"Right," Yamato smirked knowingly. "So it's just gonna be you and whoever it is you're inviting over huh?" Yamato looked down at Patamon thoughtfully, his smirk widening at the possibilities. "It wouldn't be Hikari, otherwise you wouldn't want me to take care of Patamon. Unless of course, Tailmon is staying at home too. Nah, can't be that, Taichi didn't mention anything. It's not one of the others, same deal. One of your 'other' friends hmmm?" He asked suggestively. 

"Yamato, give me a break," Takeru rolled his eyes at his brother's blatant fishing for information on top of the expected teasing. Shaking his finger at them in mock anger, he warned them both off, "For this once, not a word out of either of you. If mom finds out, I'll know who told her." 

"You know I'm good," Yamato whined melodramatically, playing it up for all it was worth. "What kinda big brother would I be if I ratted out on my little bro for his cute little slumber party?" Yamato asked cheerfully as he reached over and playfully ruffled Takeru's golden hair. 

"Ha ha," Takeru grumbled as he instantly reached up to straighten out his tousled hair. "Look, just get going. I need to hurry up and finish cleaning up the kitchen." Leaning down, he gave Patamon a quick scratch under the chin and smiled fondly. "Have fun. I'll see you on Monday, okay?" 

"Okay!" Patamon crowed as Takeru started pushing him and Yamato out the front door. Frowning slightly, he quietly added, "Be careful." 

"Be careful?" Yamato mouthed silently, as Takeru closed the front door behind them. Be careful? Takeru was just having a friend over for the night, right? It was just a simple sleepover wasn't it? Weird, Yamato shook his head as he started off towards the elevator. Maybe he could get Patamon to tell him who Takeru was having over after a bit of cajoling and a bribe of food... okay, maybe a couple of bribes of food. 

* * *

****

A good while later, Takeru finished dusting off the living room coffee table. His mother would have been proud of the cleaning job he had done, she also would have been awfully suspicious as to why he was doing it in the first place. He wasn't what could be considered the model of a happy homemaker, he was just... anxious. 

He was anxious, more than a bit nervous and not quite sure just what he was going to do. Things had certainly been odd of late, to say the least. And his invitation for Ken to spend the night was a bit out of his league, even with what they had been _doing_ together lately. 

The time they spent together was always nice, though sometimes more than a bit tense. Ken rarely talked about anything at all, and when he did it was usually a precursor to _something_ else. Takeru didn't mind that really, Ken seemed to enjoy his company and seemed a bit calmer whenever he was around. Ken's parents certainly seemed to adore him already. And why not? Their precious little boy, Ken's rather sarcastic description of their attention, had a friend now, a friend they could see and talk to. Considering what they knew about their son's past history, which was far less than what Takeru knew, it was no surprise they latched onto anything that might keep their son's interest. 

The one aspect of their relationship that basically _made_ their relationship was amazingly easy to get used to, all things considered. Takeru had always thought, been led to believe, that it would happen with Hikari in time. They had been best friends for so long, they were the right age for each other and everybody else loved to point out just what a cute couple they would make together. But Ken kinda changed everything for him. The first time had been one of the most impulsive things he had ever done or been drawn into. And afterwards, it seemed to be one of the very few things that would draw Ken out of the depression. It was always different afterwards, Ken always seemed different afterwards, kinder maybe? He would probably never tell _anyone_, but he... liked it. Takeru really liked the attention Ken was giving him. Ken never treated him like he was breakable or too goody goody and innocent to understand anything. He loved it, almost to the point where he was starting to crave it. None of the others would ever give him that, they couldn't and probably wouldn't even understand why he wanted it. 

But that line of thinking brought him back to the questions that had been bugging him for a little while now. Was he just doing this to help Ken or was it something else now? The possibilities were starting to make themselves known and he wasn't sure why he did anything anymore. _Was_ he just doing it to help Ken in any possible way he could? Or was he starting to actually _like_ Ken? And if that was the case, what did Ken think of him? It was confusing. 

Sighing heavily, Takeru flopped down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. His cheeks were flaming hot, and he had to be sporting one of the most incredible blushes in history. He always got like this when he got this far in his thoughts. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think anymore. And well, he was certainly thinking too much about it all. That much he had at least figured out. It didn't stop him from continuing to think about it though. 

Ken, Takeru thought as he leaned back to gaze up at the ceiling. Ken. Ken. Ken. Everything was about Ken now. He hadn't planned it that way, hadn't even thought of it ever getting to this point. But here he was, thinking about Ken and completely and utterly confused about what to do about it. 

There was Ken at the door, Takeru thought as he heard a quiet knock waft in from the hallway. And his cheeks were still pretty hot, so he must still be blushing. Great, just great. Chuckling humorlessly at the situation, Takeru hauled himself up off the couch and called out, "Coming!" It was always better to face the music now than later, or at least that's what Yamato was always saying. 

Ken felt his lips twist upwards ever so slightly as he heard Takeru call out from inside the apartment. _This_ was different. He'd never gone over to someone's for a sleepover before, never had the time. Lord knows, he didn't know why Takeru had suggested it or why he had agreed to it so easily. It was 'something' though... something... something... something? He wasn't quite sure just what, nor did he have the time to follow up that train of thought as Takeru opened the front door. 

Takeru's face was red. How odd. Was he sick or... what? "Takeru, do you have a fever?" Ken found himself asking before he even realized it. He quickly followed up his concern by lifting his left hand up to feel the other boy's forehead for any raise in temperature. Takeru didn't feel hot or anything. 

Takeru could actually feel the blood rushing to his head as he blushed even more at Ken's touch. "No no, it's nothing," he blurted out, trying to head Ken off at the pass, so to speak. "Nothing at all." 

"Riight," Ken drawled, a smirk dawning across his lips as he figured it out. "You're blushing," he purred as he backed Takeru into the apartment hallway. "Why?" 

"It's nothing important," Takeru murmured quietly as he shut the door behind them. He looked up at the amused twinkle in Ken's amethyst eyes and smiled weakly. "Really." 

"All right," Ken blinked, the smirk still present. He could always find out later. He did have Takeru all to himself for the entire night. It wouldn't be hard to get the reason for the rosy blush out of the other boy later and knowing Takeru it would certainly prove amusing. "Whatever you say," he agreed quietly as he turned around to get a look at the apartment's living room. 

Takeru sighed silently in relief, that had been a lot easier than he had thought it would be. Then again, knowing Ken, he'd probably get asked about the blush again later at the most inopportune time possible. It just wouldn't be Ken if he wasn't pestered again later about it. Oh well, he'd deal with it whenever it came up again. Pushing all thoughts of the blush out of his head, Takeru smiled proudly as he watched Ken give the apartment a calculating once over. 

Ken hummed quietly to himself as he looked around at Takeru's home. It looked comfortable, 'homey' even and terribly clean. The other boy must have been nervous or something to get it this sparkling. Takeru just wasn't the type to clean religiously to where it would be this spotless all the time. Nervous about what though? It was an intriguing question. He just had to figure out how to get the answer out of his friend somehow. 

Ken felt his mind instantly go numb at the last bit of that thought. Friend? Friend. Friend. Friend. Takeru was his friend? Yes... yes, Takeru must be his 'friend'. How else could he explain the attachment he had developed for the boy? It's not like he had felt this way about anyone else before. So friend must be the proper label to place on it. What else could it be? Smiling pleasantly from that thought, Ken turned around and pointed at the indigo overnight bag slung over his shoulder while he asked, "So where should I put this?" 

"Uhm," Takeru had been far too intent on watching Ken to catch the question at first. He blinked dazedly as Ken watched him curiously. A moment later, the content of the question finally registered on his brain, "Oh! Here, let me have it and I'll go drop it off in my room." Takeru laughed nervously as he accepted the proffered bag and zoomed down the hallway. 

Ken watched Takeru's retreating back with more than a hint of amusement. If the other boy's reactions were any indication, this was going to turn out to be one hell of night. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he watched Takeru dart into one of the doorways. Instantly a diagram of the apartment began to form in his mind. There was the kitchen and the living/dining room in a straight shot with each other. The bedrooms were lined up with each other on the hallway. Takeru's room wasn't all that far from the front door. It would prove to be a simple retreat if one became necessary... And why was he thinking about 'escaping' Takeru's apartment of all place? Ken sighed tiredly, really he was turning out to be too paranoid for his own good. 

Scowling darkly, Ken turned around and walked stiffly into the living room. He didn't need to do this anymore. There was no need for him to devise a plan of retreat from Takeru of all people. Plans of retreat were for the battlefield. They belonged in the world of the Kaiser not Ichijouji Ken... not anymore. He didn't need to do this anymore. So why was he? The Kaiser was the past. The dead and buried past, he didn't belong in the present. Not anymore and never again. Ken gritted his teeth harshly and closed his eyes. Why couldn't he let it go? 

Takeru hurriedly returned to find Ken standing in the living room with his back to the hallway. Ken seemed really tense. Tense, yes tense was definitely the word for it. He must be thinking about one of the many, many things he would never talk to Takeru about. Ken was practically a stone wall when he was like this. He refused to burden anyone else with his pain and just kept on hurting. It was one of the really distressing things about Ken that Takeru had yet to figure a way past. 

What to do? What to do to get Ken to focus on something else? Takeru thought frantically, discarding most ideas before they had even fully formed. He looked around, hoping to find something that might work because he wasn't coming up with anything quick. He stopped as he caught a glint of light coming from the kitchen. The rose tea cups were glimmering under the fluorescent glow of the kitchen lights. Tea. Perfect, Ken loved tea and it would be the perfect distraction. 

"Hey Ken, why don't you make yourself comfortable while I go fix us up some tea?" Takeru suggested as he hurried off into the kitchen to start the water boiling. He smiled as he heard Ken's quiet assent. Good, things would be fine in just a little bit. 

Ken shook his head and carefully sat down on the living room couch. He really was starting to obsess over everything a bit too much. It was quite unhealthy for him and anybody who might associate with him. And Takeru was uncomfortable because of it. He did not like that at all. Takeru was the only person he could talk to, if he could ever get up the nerve to talk to someone about... everything. He needed to get over 'this'. He needed to act more 'normal', whatever that was, for Takeru's sake if nothing else. 

Ken blinked as something out of place intruded upon his senses. There was muffled knocking coming from the front door. Hmm, there was someone at the front door. "Taker" Ken trailed off as he looked over at his friend in the kitchen. Takeru was quite intent on the task of making tea for them both. He really shouldn't distract the boy. Not paying attention to hot water wasn't a good thing, and what was the harm of him answering the front door in Takeru's stead? Ken briefly toyed with the idea of ignoring it completely as he stood up and walked into the hallway. However, answering the door when someone was knocking was the normal thing to do, right? "Oh, just open the damn door already," Ken muttered darkly to himself as he reached out for the knob. 

Ken's eyes widened unconsciously as he pulled the door open to reveal a somewhat rumpled Ishida Yamato. Well genius, this is one hell of a situation you managed to get yourself into, Ken thought mockingly at himself. His mind quickly supplied the perfect word to fit into this type of situation: incendiary. 

"Look Takeru, I know you don't like me meddling but" Yamato trailed off in abject shock as he got a good look at who exactly it was answering the door. "Ichijouji? What the hell?!" He barked out in surprise before catching himself and rushing the younger boy. "What did you do to my brother?" He asked viciously as he pinned Ken up against the wall and wrapped his hands around the former Kaiser's throat. 

Ken glared pure anger at the older boy, anger at both himself and Ishida. Stupid of him to allow himself to get into this type of position. Besides, what did Ishida expect him to say when the fool was cutting off his air? But it wasn't too much of a hassle, a well placed kick would get him out of this in no time flat. Then again, if he hurt Ishida, Takeru would be crushed. Shit! 

Takeru looked up from the tea kettle as he heard a sizable thump coming from the hallway. A quick glance showed that Ken wasn't sitting on the couch anymore and there was sunlight spilling into the living room from around the area of the front door. And was that Yamato he heard? Oh crap. Takeru darted into the hallway and literally froze for a second at the scene of his brother strangling Ken. "What are you _doing_?!" 

Yamato looked up in surprise at Takeru's outburst, his grip loosening ever so slightly. Ken took the opportunity presented, darted down out of Yamato's hands and took a rather necessary breath before hastily getting out of the older boy's reach. 

"Takeru, what is _he_ doing here?" Yamato asked heatedly, gesturing pointedly at Ken as the younger boy edged further away from him and closer to Takeru. 

"I invited him?" Takeru asked sarcastically in response. He looked over worriedly at Ken as he heard a slight cough. "Are you okay?" He frowned in concern as Ken's only answer was a jerky nod and a death glare at Yamato. "Just what" Takeru was halted from anything further by the whistling of the tea kettle from the kitchen. "Dammit!" He swore, earning a shocked look from both Ken and his brother. "Both of you, sit down!" Takeru ground out, pointing at the living room before running off to get the kettle off of the stove. 

Ken watched Yamato grudgingly stalk into the living room and settle down on the couch. Lightly rubbing his sore throat, Ken warily joined Ishida, seating himself as far away from Takeru's brother as possible. What now? He asked himself as he caught Ishida eyeing him none too friendly. 

"Just exactly what are you doing here?" Yamato hissed out as he watched Ichijouji carefully for any possible threat. 

Ken smirked slightly at that. Ishida was really making this far too easy. "I was invited," he stated plainly as he watched the other with growing amusement. 

"What the hell do you want with my brother?" Yamato snarled quietly in return. What was Takeru thinking allowing that monster in the apartment? 

Ken tilted his head to the side in thought. He was quiet for several seconds, doing his best not to burst out laughing at the entire thing. Smirking maliciously, Ken opted for some of the truth as Ishida's reaction to it would prove most amusing, "He's a good fuck." 

"Whaaaat!?!" Yamato yelled in disbelief as he shot to his feet. Ichijouji did not just say that. No way in hell was Takeru that stupid. Was he? Oh god! Yamato took a step forward, quite intent upon wiping that triumphant smirk off of Ichijouji's face one way or another. 

"Yamato! Out! Now!" Takeru stalked out of the kitchen and started forcefully pushing his brother towards the front door. "No arguments," he stated flatly as he felt Yamato start to fight against him. Sighing gratefully as he felt his brother relent to his direction, Takeru silently braced himself for what was coming and pushed Yamato the rest of the way out of the apartment, closing the door shut behind them both. "All right, let's have it." 

"Takeru, please tell me you are not this stupid," Yamato started off, rubbing his temple and trying to keep himself from blowing up again. This was his baby brother after all. "Tell me you are not involved with... with... with Ichijouji." 

Takeru frowned at Yamato's choice of words, "What's so stupid about it?" 

"Oh god," Yamato covered his mouth with one hand, feeling somewhat nauseous from it all. This was very bad... very, very bad. "How long?" he asked finally. 

"A few days after the camping trip," Takeru answered hesitantly, wondering where his brother was trying to go with that particular question. What did that have to do with anything? "Why?" he asked suspiciously. 

Shit! Yamato blinked as he processed this little tidbit of information. He hadn't noticed anything different about Takeru since then. Damn, he should have paid better attention. "Okay. Well okay, that's okay. Just tell him you won't see him anymore. I'm sure he'll leave you alone now that somebody else knows about it." 

Takeru rolled his eyes at that. Great, just great. It was gonna go that way then. Fine, he could win this argument, no problem. "No." 

"What?" Yamato grimaced, stepping forward to try and shake some sense into his brother. He scowled as Takeru backed away from him. "He's taking advantage of your good nature. Surely you can see that? I'm sure he just doing it to get back at the rest of us." 

"I doubt that since I'm the one who approached him first," Takeru supplied, waiting for Yamato's outburst at that bit of information. He was not disappointed. 

"Are you nuts?" Yamato barely managed to stop short of yanking out his beloved hair. No way. No way. This was impossible. This was not happening. "What are you thinking?! He's no good! You know that." 

"Oh really now? Well then, I guess we could say the same thing about you," Takeru started off viciously. He felt the frustrations and disappointment that he had brushed off once before start to break out of the well constructed cage he had erected around them so long ago. And frankly, at the moment, he didn't care to hold them back. "You know, now that I think about it, what if me or Taichi had been killed while you were off 'pouting' during our battle with the Dark Masters? It really makes you wonder, maybe there would have been an Ishida Yamato, Digimon Kaiser instead." 

Yamato felt like he had been turned to stone by the words coming out of Takeru's mouth. He had always thought... always thought that Takeru understood about _that_. Surely his little brother didn't believe that he had just abandoned them all without a thought for their well being. Looking down into Takeru's flinty gaze, Yamato felt his inside knot up. It was like looking in a mirror distorted with time, it was the exact same expression he had once carried around like a burning brand. 

"You know, I really resented you for that, abandoning us simply because you just couldn't accept the fact that you were in love with the same person you had been fighting with the entire time," Takeru continued, letting it spill out finally to get his point across. "You were really lucky the others thought you were worth going after. You were never alone. You had everybody else to help you realize what an absolute selfish idiot you were being. Things would have been a lot different if you had been as alone as you thought you needed to be." Takeru finished quietly, knowing that if Yamato didn't understand by now his brother never would. 

Yamato twitched slightly, feeling his neck start to cramp up from the tension. This was... this was... Good god, he had never expected _that_ from Takeru. He had always tried to not think about the possible things that might have happened while he was gone back then. His imagination could really be way too gruesome at times. But he had never thought Takeru had considered them. It was definitely a punch in the gut. He could fix this later though... surely he could fix it. But right now, the main problem was Ichijouji. "Okay Takeru, okay. I think I understand what you're getting at. But why are you with Ichijouji _now_? He hurt the digimon. He made slaves out of them, and he liked it. Don't you think he's gone a bit beyond the point of no return?" 

"No, he just needs some help," Takeru spoke carefully, trying to get out some of what he had spent the past week figuring out. "I'm trying to help him." 

"That's... very noble of you," Yamato frowned, feeling somewhat shamed by his brother's ease with saying that. There was still the rather obvious problem though. "But sex? You shouldn't do that with just anybody. You should just do it with somebody... you... care... about," Yamato trailed off uneasily in dawning comprehension as Takeru refused to look at him while he had said that. "Takeru?" he asked hesitantly. 

"I don't know," Takeru answered, understanding the unvoiced question far too well. "I just don't know," he said again as he stared down at his feet. He really didn't know what he felt for Ken, it was too confusing. 

"Fuck," Yamato let that single word encompass everything he was feeling at the moment. Hell if he knew what Takeru was feeling, though he could probably guess from past experience. "You've really gotten yourself into a mess here." He sighed wearily as Takeru glared up at him. "All right, all right," Yamato tapped his foot nervously on the concrete in thought. "You seriously need to figure this out sooner rather than later. I'm probably going to regret this, but I won't tell any of the others, yet. If he hurts you, all bets are off. And no more Patamon at my place after this weekend. You need somebody around to watch out for you." 

"Fine. Are you finished?" Takeru asked flatly. He didn't like being pushed into a corner like this. He sighed as Yamato nodded in answer. "Then just go." He held up his hands to stall off anymore arguments. "No more. I have enough waiting for me inside, thank you very much." 

Yamato shook his head at Takeru brushing him off. This entire thing was just beyond belief. "Be careful dammit," he said softly as he reached over to ruffle his little brother's hair. "I'll see you on Monday." 

"Yeah," Takeru answered automatically before waving Yamato off towards the elevator. Well, _that_ had been fun. Now came the even better part. Bracing himself for whatever might be waiting for him, Takeru opened the front door and stepped back into the confines of his apartment. 

Ken wasn't in the living room. Great, where was he? 

There weren't that many places to go in his apartment. Takeru of all people should know this. Thus there were not that many places to check. Even better, he could hear the sink now. Ken must be in the kitchen. Wonderful, might as well get this over with, he thought as he headed purposefully through the living room and into the kitchen. He stopped short though, unsure of how to go about addressing what had happened. 

Ken was washing the rose teacups, carefully drying each one with a towel afterwards. "Already finished? That took less time than I thought it would," he mused tonelessly as he finished drying the cup in hand and delicately set it down on the counter. "You must have given a rather convincing argument." 

"Yeah, something like that," Takeru supplied uncomfortably. He didn't like the way Ken sounded, not at all. "Look, I" 

"Don't worry about it," Ken cut Takeru off instantly. "It's quite all right. It's to be expected considering who I am," Ken trailed off uncertainly. This was proving to be harder than he had thought it would be. He had been thinking about what had happened ever since the pair had left. He didn't like what he had ended up discovering about himself, not at all. 

Really, why had he said that? Because he had wanted to. He should have let Takeru field Ishida and shouldn't have gotten involved in an argument with the older boy. He knew this, but he had still said it anyway. He had goaded Ishida on knowingly. He knew the reaction he was going to get would be explosive. And yet he had still done it, and he had enjoyed it immensely. 

He was really getting better about 'things' now wasn't he? 

Scowling at his own thoughts, Ken reached down and trailed his fingertip around the rim of the teacup. Glass, simple glass. The tiniest bit of pressure in just the right place would break it. Takeru was much like glass. The tiniest bit of pressure would break Takeru's life into pieces. Shards of glass that would be shards of life. The Kaiser would enjoy applying the pressure, wouldn't be satisfied until Takeru was truly broken. And wasn't he the Kaiser after all? No matter what he did he would always be the Kaiser. 

So wasn't it just better to leave the glass behind? Ken pondered this as he withdrew his finger from the teacup. Leave the glass behind while it was still in one piece. That would be better for everyone in the long run now wouldn't it? Yes, that would be better. The glass would still be intact and there would be no mess left behind to clean up after. That would be the best solution for all involved. 

Ken smiled sweetly as he looked up at Takeru. "Really, it's all right, it just reminded me of a certain 'problem' I had been forgetting about." He laid the towel down on the counter carefully, noting that his hands were shaking slightly. He really was a fool for getting so attached to something he surely didn't deserve. "I am sorry about upsetting your brother," he flinched ever so slightly from the dark memories that simple word stirred up. Best not to go there ever again. 

"It's... all right. We got some things out that should have been taken care of a long time ago," Takeru said hesitantly as he watched Ken. Something was really, really wrong here. He could practically feel it in the air. Something was very wrong with Ken. And he wasn't going to get anything out of Ken unless he asked. So here goes, "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, just figuring something out. Though, I should have come to this conclusion some time ago," Ken said slowly. This was difficult. But, he needed to get it over with before he changed his mind or slipped back into the much too comfortable reactions of the Kaiser. It would be a disaster either way. "It has been fun and I do appreciate your concern. But I shouldn't take advantage of you anymore, especially if your brother's reaction is any indication of what will happen on down the road." Somehow, Ken managed to force himself to look into Takeru's shocked blue eyes as he continued, "So I guess a goodbye would be better suited to us now." 

"No!" Takeru slammed his hand into the wall, blocking Ken's path of retreat. 

"What?" Ken blurted out, shocked that Takeru didn't agree with him. 

"You are not doing this!" Takeru growled out. No way in hell was he letting Ken walk away from him now. 

"How dare you tell me what to do!" Ken snarled in response. He froze instantly afterwards, catching himself too late. What was he saying? That wasn't him... no, it was him, just the him he didn't like anymore. 

Takeru closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. This was not helping things. He needed to be rational to get through to Ken. Grounding himself, he opened his eyes only to witness a near replay of the most hopeless expression he had ever seen on Ken's face. It was just like then and he was starting to finally get a clue. "It's a reflex isn't it? You can't help yourself can you? It comes without you even thinking about it." He gritted his teeth as Ken visibly flinched at his words. He was right. 

The Kaiser personality that Ken had built up around himself was so far ingrained into who Ken was that now he basically was Ken's reaction to everyday life. There was no way to separate the two personalities, only suppress one or the other. And Ken just wasn't able to ignore that part of himself, certainly not while he was alone. 

Well, Takeru had wanted to help Ken. He wasn't sure how he could help Ken with this in particular, but he was more than willing to try. Sighing, Takeru gently dragged a resistant Ken into his embrace. And Ken was shaking. "You're really upset about this aren't you?" Takeru murmured, not expecting an answer nor receiving one. Shaking his head at this turn of events, he made his way over to the couch and sat them both down. 

Absently stroking Ken's hair, Takeru unbuttoned the collar to Ken's school uniform. He scowled at the hints of bruising that came into view. He was seriously going to have to lay into Yamato for that. Smiling sadly, he leaned back, drawing Ken in closer to him and simply waited for the shivering to cease. It was the only thing he could do right now. 

It was some time before everything was calm again. Ken was still breathing a bit raggedly from what Takeru could hear though. But the shaking had passed, thankfully. Takeru stroked Ken's hair some more as he asked, "Feeling a little bit better now?" 

"No, not particularly," Ken croaked out as he sat up straight, drawing away from Takeru. He took a moment to clear his throat before continuing, "I really do appreciate your concern, but I don't want to hurt you..." Ken trailed off uncertainly as Takeru looked over at him suggestively before leaning in to nibble on his exposed neck. "What are you doing?" 

"Distracting you," Takeru mumbled hotly against Ken's skin as he reached over and started dragging Ken closer to him. "Is it working?" 

"Yes," Ken hissed as Takeru nibbled a trail up to his earlobe. "I really don't think this is the time for this though." Ken managed to get out before Takeru pushed him over onto his back. 

"Oh, I think this is the perfect time," Takeru grinned cheerfully as he began to unbutton Ken's jacket. "I want to and you need somebody to show you that you're not a complete and utter bastard. And this is the perfect way to do it," he stated matter of factly as he tugged the jacket out of the way and started working on the shirt underneath. "Besides, I like it and I like you. Two birds with one stone, wouldn't you say?" Takeru asked playfully as he leaned in closer to Ken. 

"What?" Ken asked, he was utterly confused. This was really the first time Takeru had ever actually started _things_. And... Takeru liked him? He didn't manage to get any further in his thoughts as Takeru leaned down to answer him with a long, ardent kiss. 

* * *

Several minutes passed afterwards before a quiet "Takeru?" intruded upon his senses. He cracked one eye open curiously and looked over at Ken who seemed almost to be sleeping. He blinked the one eye as Ken's lips moved ever so slightly and the question came again, only a bit louder, "Takeru?" 

"Yeah?" Takeru drawled out tiredly. Ken had never been the type for much pillow talk, so it must be something important. 

"What were you blushing about earlier when I arrived?" Ken asked simply as he tilted his head over to pin Takeru with an amused glare. 

"Uhm," Takeru grimaced as he felt his cheeks heat up once again, even with all that they'd just been doing. "Well, it's sorta difficult to explain." He sighed in defeat, no way would Ken let him get off without some kind of answer, and he didn't want to lie. "You," he blurted out lamely. 

"Me?" Ken asked instantly in utter surprise. "Why?" 

"Because, I think... I like you," Takeru managed to get out as his cheeks heated up even more. 

"Why?" Ken asked again in shock as he felt his own cheeks starting to heat up. This was completely unexpected. 

"I don't know," Takeru grumbled as he carefully shifted onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "I just do." He blinked in the following silence and wondered just how stupid he was going to get before this was all over. He froze as he felt Ken stir beside him and hoped that he hadn't screwed everything up. 

Ken hesitantly leaned over Takeru and frowned at the confusion he was feeling. He knew... knew what _that_ meant, but he didn't know how _he_ felt about it. "Takeru, I don't... I don't know what," he floundered trying to come up with _something_ to say in light of Takeru's confession and not coming up with anything helpful. 

Takeru smiled faintly up at Ken, it was starting to get a bit easier to read the other boy now. He could see the confusion and uncertainty lurking within Ken's eyes, even if they didn't show up anywhere else on Ken's face. Sighing he reached up, gently wrapped his arms around Ken and slowly drew him down against him. "It's okay Ken. You don't have to say or do anything." 

Ken sighed wearily as he sank down into Takeru's embrace. Maybe there was something, but he just didn't know. And thankfully, he didn't have to figure it all out right now. Snuggling up against Takeru's bare chest he smiled, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

That was my Valentine's Day fic for 2001. It turned out better than I thought it would. But I'm pretty proud of it, it's a nice way to show just how silly the seme/uke classifications can seem when applied to a real relationship. Hope you liked.


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